In my last post, I mention that the only other LL worker in Cuba, Hollie, is returning to the UK next summer for at least 6 months. We found out in September that LL were not happy to let me stay on without her in the country and so plans had to be adjusted slightly, the options included variations of delaying my Stride to do bible/langauge training, going to another country before or after some time in Cuba or going out independently. I decided to look back over the past year and see exactly what God said and what He did, and what that could imply for this situation. I came to the conclusion that Cuba in January 2014 was still the right thing to do and so we began to move forward from there.
The day I found out I definitely couldn't do 2 years in Cuba was actually the day that all of my friends returned to university, and so it was a really difficult few days for me. I didn't understand what was going on and circumstances didn't seem to be lining up with what I thought God had been saying. I had put so much on the line to obey God and everything seemed to be falling apart, my faith was being pushed to its outermost limits and I fought hard to push away the doubts that were coming at me from every direction. I want to share with you something I wrote in that time:
God, where are you?
I know you are here in this situation, but I can't see you.
I don't know what to do,
Nothing seems certain anymore,
My faith is being attacked on all sides.
I don't trust myself to discern anything anymore.
I feel lost,
Where are you, Jehovah-Rohi?
No distinguishable path lies before me,
where do I go?
The future has vanished before me,
all is fog and uncertainty.
The LORD is my light and my salvation,
but only darkness lies before me.
You brought me here, Father
Don't leave me.
I followed you here, lead me onward
I've sought to hear and obey your voice,
now hear my cry of desperation and my plea for the salvation of your mighty right hand
El Roi, you see me and you care
Your plan is still intact
I am small and weak and broken
Uphold me, don't let me sink, Jesus
Hold me, comfort me and lead me in your will
You are beyond my wildest imaginings,
Your plan and purpose are outwith my understanding.
I cannot escape your grace or steadfast love towards me,
All that is happening is a product of that grace and love,
forgive me LORD, for my lack of trust and faith
Even though I am unsure of what is happening or what to do,
I am sure of you.
Creator, sustainer, provider, Father
Shepherd, banner, healer, Friend
King, comforter, deliverer, Saviour
Loving, just, patient strong
Sovreign, wise, vast, mighty Lord.
YHWH, you will wait with me.
That Friday, I had a call from the LL Scotland Coordinator to check how I was. We spoke for a bit about how I'd felt that week before talking about how we could move forward. I told him that I'd come to the conclusion that it was still God's plan for me to go to Cuba in January, and then he went on to tell me that the LL International Director had been laying out some objectives for the next few years and one of them was to have three ([more]? I can't remember!) LL workers in Cuba within the next four years. I knew this was God's way of letting me know that He was still in control of this situation and that I was to trust Him. We then spoke about possible options that stemmed from going to Cuba in January, one of which was going on to study at a bible college in Central America.
The next morning I got a letter from the university, not only letting me know that I had been withdrawn, but also that I was eligible to graduate with a Diploma in Higher Education. I hadn't been expecting to be given anything so I was absolutely OVER THE MOON! I get to graduate with a gown and everything! God was again confirming that He was in control and that I could trust Him.
Just over a week later when I had decided that I would study at a bible college in Central America, and we were looking at options in Guatemala, more complications came through. I couldn't go to Guatemala in August'14 and finding accommodation in Cuba was looking tricky. A few weeks previously I had been helping out at a LL event and had been speaking to one of their missionaries in Costa Rica, we had a great conversation and he said that he and his wife would be happy to have me if I ever needed somewhere to stay in Costa Rica- even before the complications regarding Guatemala came through I had been thinking about this and had a hunch that it was going to be significant in one way. It turned out that there were a couple of bible colleges in Costa Rica which LL would be happy for me to go to, and God once again was shutting another door in order to point me in the right direction. However, we were still waiting to hear about accommodation in Cuba- if they couldn't find a placement that could offer a host family, then I wouldn't be able to go.
Last Saturday night, the night before my first speaking event at a church, I got a text through to say that they had found somewhere! I was prepared to go and speak, and just be honest about still not knowing the plans, but God in His grace showed again that His timing is perfect, and I was able to give the news to the church hot off the press!
So, to summarise: In January 2014 I will be going out to Cuba to stay in a place called Cotorro which is south-east of Havana where I will live with a pastor and his family and work within their church. I probably won't know exactly what I'm doing until I get out there, but that's all part of the excitement! In ~July I will then travel to Costa Rica where I will spend the remainder of my 2 years, doing further Spanish study and then doing a year long course at a bible college there, probably with a focus on work with children and young people. It's been a very bumpy time, but I can say with certainty that God's purpose has been in it all, and I am so excited that He has this plan for me and that He has blessed me with the privelege of serving Him in this way!
"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose"
-Jim Elliot
