Up and Down a Mountain

 Life with God is an adventure. Have you found that? While we so often only think of life as getting from point A to B, I think God is someone who enjoys the scenic routes of life; we see it in the way He guided the Israelites from Egypt to the Promised Land, and we see it in the way Jesus led the disciples around Galilee, Samaria and Judea almost 1500 years later. I was reminded of this a few weeks ago when we decided to go on an adventure of our own and ended up getting more of an adventure than we bargained for!

We had recently had the car repaired and Josias suggested going for a little road trip to test it out and get out of the house. We decided to drive to Quilotoa, an impressive lagoon located inside the crater of an old volcano in a section of the Andes south of us. We took the slightly longer, scenic route to arrive, taking in the glorious sunshine and green hills as we drove along the (very) windy road. We eventually arrived, after having stopped in a small community for lunch and a leg-stretch, and spent a short time walking around, looking at the lagoon and getting our photos taken with some alpacas. However, it was extremely windy and walking down into a crater isn't exactly the most age-appropriate activity for a 2- and 4-year old, so we decided to head home via the traditional route. After driving for 10 minutes, we came to a T junction with no sign. Without thinking very much about it, Josias turned right. Little did we know that this was the junction:

As you can probably gather from the map, it was a disastrous mistake. We had no phone signal, there were no turn offs, no other signs, and we were unknowingly on our way out of the Andes down to sea-level. When we came to the cloud barrier, we just assumed it was because we had come so high up (even compared to normal Andes altitude). We continued driving down, and down, and down until we eventually came to the end of the clouds and noticed the change in temperature and in vegetation around us. We drove past people going the opposite direction with loads of bananas in the back of their trucks.

We knew by now that were on the wrong road, but with no signs and no map we had no way to be exactly sure where we were. I sat with Josias' phone in my hand, nervously watching for the moment we would have enough phone signal for the map to load. That didn't happen until we were almost at Valencia (if you can find that on my little map), and after 2 hours on the road. Now that we were on a (mainly) straight stretch of road where it was safe to do so, after taking a moment to get over the disbelief of what had happened, we turned the car around and headed back the way had come. After 15 minutes or so of driving, I looked over to the dashboard and saw that we had less than a quarter of a tank of petrol left. According to Google maps, we had almost 100km to drive to get to Latacunga, the first city we would come to. We hadn't passed a single petrol station in our journey so far. There must be a petrol station before Latacunga, I said to myself, trying not to panic at the thought of running out of petrol on a narrow, foggy two lane road up the side of a mountain.
There were no petrol stations. Up and up we drove, hoping the car would keep going long enough to get back to where we started and where, hopefully, we would find petrol. I sang hymns and worship songs to the girls, and myself, convincing my heart to trust that God was looking after us. At last, we broke through the fog and with the light of the sun came the relief that the worst part was over: we were back in the mountains. As we drove past little communities, we strained our eyes searching for a petrol station. On and on we went, the sun beginning to set, casting its golden light on the hills and filling the sky with hues of pink and orange. "Maybe God let all this happen just so we could see this view!" Josias and I said to each other.
The sky was totally dark by the time we eventually began the descent into Latacunga. Josias drove in 5th in an effort to save as much fuel as possible and I desperately continued in vain to search for petrol stations using the map on his phone. Around three hours after turning around, we finally arrived in Latacunga and pulled into the first petrol station we found. We stopped at a shopping centre to get some KFC to go (chips and chicken! to Eliana and Faith), and then began the journey back to Amaguaña
It was nothing short of a miracle that we didn't run out of fuel on that journey. We drove 100km, half of it climbing a mountain, on under a quarter of a tank and the car didn't even show signs of giving up on us.
Our adventure that day taught us a few things about walking with God:

• Often, we are praying and looking for the solution to our problem (a petrol station, in this case) when God wants to do the bigger miracle; not resolve the problem but empower us to overcome it.

• We saw some incredibly beautiful views that day, but we were so anxious to get to the petrol station that we couldn't enjoy them fully. In every stage in life there are things to enjoy that we can easily miss if we're too busy worrying instead of resting in God's faithfulness.

• God often leads us on a path that may not make much sense to us, but He always has a purpose and He will always be with us, leading and protecting us.

He is our good shepherd, and His goodness and mercy follow us wherever we go - even up and down mountains!

Why I Gave Up Facebook

Hello my dear readers, it's been two years since I last posted on here - I'm aiming to start posting again (somewhat) regularly... read on to find out why!

Now, before I start I just want to clarify that these are the reasons that I  have decided to leave Facebook, not  the reasons I think you should. Facebook can be a great tool for lots of things: connecting with people that you share interests with, buying and selling things, keeping up with friends and family (especially when you live on another continent!) and the list goes on.

However, I think we need to address an issue that isn't readily acknowledged within this, the tech-savvy, had-Facebook-since-I-was-13, generation:

Facebook, social media and technology in general, is addictive and most people who use it are addicted to it, to some degree or another.

Don't believe me? (But let's be honest, you do because we all know this, really) When you see that little notification pop up telling you that another person has liked your status/photo/meme, your brain sends you a little shot of a hormone called dopamine - the same hormone produced as a result of smoking, gambling and alcohol. In other words? It's addictive.

Now, does everyone who smokes, gambles or drinks become addicted? Of course not, but many do. The difference with social media and other technology is that nobody warns you. There's no age limit on it. It's not frowned upon -- at least not by those within our generation. Social media and technology addiction is not addressed, not acknowledged and not taken seriously.

My first experiences of online interaction and social media were Bebo and Windows Messenger (cue: involuntary shudders caused by flashbacks to top 16s, artistic indy "skins" as self expression, other halves, appear offline mode on and off to get your crush's attention, emoticons and the emergence of selfies for profile pictures). I have no idea how many hours I probably spent in front of my computer screen and I'm sure most of my peers were the same: arrive home from school, straight to the computer, eat dinner and back to the computer, shower (brb g2g take a shower) and back to the computer. We were teenagers when the internet really began to take off and we ate it up, having no idea of the way it was shaping our brains and the way it would soon shape our lives and society as we knew it.

At least back then it was limited to the computer, and our addiction was limited to how ever far you were willing to lug your laptop, but it wasn't long before the device that would change it all came along: the smart phone. All at once, we had everything we needed in one device: music, camera, internet and social media, and it all fitted in our pocket (as opposed to the giant phone-tablet hybrids of today...). However, even then, our social media use was limited to wherever we could find a WiFi signal... not now! Now, you can satisfy and fuel your constant need for approval and for distraction wherever you are. Unlimited access. Can you imagine someone with any of the aforementioned addictions having UNLIMITED access to their vice 24 hours a day and anywhere they happen to be?

My peers and I have been slowly but gradually introduced to this addictive habit, with the dosis being upped all the time and nobody bringing it to our attention. Instead, our society is moulding itself around our growing addiction, exploiting and encouraging it, while we carry on pretending that it's healthy to have a device practically glued to yourself day and night.

I'm not saying this is the case with everyone, but I'm sure there will be a significant number of people reading this that have a very similar relationship to technology and social media.

Having now explained my overall reasoning behind my decision to leave Facebook, let me get into what this means for me personally.

Social media, and Facebook in particular as it's the one most people use, has an especially strong appeal for me for two main reasons:

• I live on a different continent to all my family and friends, and social media is the only way to keep up with what they're doing and what's going on in their lives and to have some sort of influence on their lives; I'm not exactly going to bump into anyone in the market!
• As a stay-at-home mum, with no relatives or close friends nearby to call on for support/rest, social media is a form of escapism and connecting to the outside world.

Between these two things and growing steadily more glued to social media/technology from adolescence into adulthood, I find myself looking at my little screen far more than I like. While my 2 year old is vying for my attention or wants to show me something, I have to pry my eyes away from the interesting but nevertheless pointless video I somehow ended up watching. While nursing my baby, I meaninglessly scroll to pass the time. 

I don't want my children growing up to believe that this, having your device on you so much of the time it seems like an extra appendage, is healthy behaviour. I would say "normal" behaviour, but sadly this has become normal behaviour for many people, especially the generation coming up behind mine, the generation that have had gadgets and tablets thrust upon their impressionable little selves from toddler-hood, who will know literally know no other way of life. This leads me to another reason.

I don't want this for them. I don't want them to be prisoners to technology, bound to devices and blind to all the countless other things that life has to offer, consuming content that is unhelpful and leads to comparison and discontentment. I don't want them to be swept along by everyone else's opinions and what the media shoves down their throats, but that they would sit down and have real conversations about real issues with their real friends and know how to read and investigate something for themselves in the light of what God teaches us in His Word. 

Does this mean that our children won't be allowed to have social media while under our care and responsibility? Possibly, it all depends on where things go in the next ten years, I guess, and what the Lord leads us to decide when that time comes. For now, Eliana (almost 3) has limited TV time and Faith has zero. The next goal is for their mother to lead by example and show them (for that is how we all learn best) how to use technology healthily and appropriately, not to be picking up and checking her phone every minute of the day and leading them to believe that this device has some great importance compared to them. It does not.

Deactivating Facebook (I would delete it but I really need Messenger to keep in contact with family and close friends) is the first step in the process. I've cut down on the amount of video I watch (YouTube and content streaming) and I want that to continue. I want to whittle down the hours I spend looking at a screen so that I can free myself up to read, to be better organised and purposeful in my discipling and training of my children and care better for my home, to study my Bible, to prepare more in-depth for my monthly women's teachings at church and my Sunday school class, and most importantly, to simply be present with my family. Like Jim Elliot famously said: "Wherever you are, be all there!"

While I'm sure mobile technology wasn't what Elliot had in mind when he penned this, it most definitely applies. Although useful and most definitely something we can use for God's glory, technology and social media can be a very big distraction from the things God wants us to pay attention to and the work He has called us to. It's not so easy to hear that still, small voice of the Spirit's fellowship, encouragement and leading when you're giving the world a megaphone into your heart. 

The crux of this whole issue is that as a child of God, I have been called to freedom; a freedom paid for by the life-giving blood of Christ, and it is not His will for me to be in bondage to anything, be it social media, technology, TV, food, career or anything else which would enslave us and hinder us in our race. I'll leave you with this verse that the Lord has been laying on my heart for the last few months:

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith" 

Hebrews 12:1-2

The Rock

Before travelling to Ecuador, someone asked me if I would ever marry someone from a culture different to my own. My answer was that marriage is hard enough and communication in a marriage is difficult enough without adding in language and cultural barriers!

Three and a half years later, married to the love of my life who just happens to be from Ecuador, I realise I was totally wrong.

Marriage can be difficult, communication can be difficult, but what makes it easy is not being from the same country, having the same mother-tongue or coming from a similar background.

I can say that I am 100% happily married.

Do we have our issues? Yes.

Do we have misunderstandings? Yes.

Do we disagree sometimes? Yes.

Is our life difficult sometimes? Yes.

But the joy that Josias and I experience in our marriage isn't based on those things (Praise the Lord!).

Josias and I overcome any differences we may have because we have the most important thing in common: our primary goal in life is to please God, and to do that we live it according to what He tells us in His Word.

Not only does this mean that half the time it doesn't make any difference whatsoever that we're from two places that are worlds and miles apart, it means our life together is SOLID. Like the wise man that Jesus talks about in Matthew 7, we are building our life on a rock by obeying His words so that, when storms arise, we remain standing firmly in Christ.

Do our cultures have different opinions on marriage? Yes.

Do our cultures have different opinions on how to raise children? Yes.

So on and so forth.

But we don't base how we do life on what our cultures have taught us, we base it on what God has taught us through His Word and it is He who unites us despite our differences.

Our compatibility as people is no where near as important as our compatibility as believers, as followers of Christ. So maybe sometimes one of has to ask, "what does that word mean?" or challenges the perspective that the other has about a certain issue, but that's the beautiful thing about marrying someone who is different than you; as you spend time with each other, as you become more and more one, you discover that you are an expanded version of the person you were before, a richer version. You teach one another things, you show each other a different way of looking at things, you encourage one another to be the best version of yourself for God. And when the differences are felt, God teaches us about grace, compassion and understanding, He uses the issues we have as a way of sanctifying us and making us more like Jesus.

I love being part of a cross cultural family and being of cross-cultural descent: my paternal grandparents are Scots and Chinese-Malay, my Aunt and Uncle are Scot/Chinese and American, my sister-in-law and her husband are Ecuadorian and German and my brother-in-law and his wife are Ecuadorian and American. There is no way more beautiful to see how Christ unites us as believers than seeing people from vastly different backgrounds bound together in the love they have for him and for one another.

I can love Josias and be the best wife possible for him by loving God more, which as we're told in John and 1 John, means obeying Him. Seek first the Kingdom and His righteouness and all these things will be added unto you; put God first in your life and watch how everything else falls into place and rejoice in the peace that you find.

P.S This post was inspired by the video below!

Yoked to Christ

Being at home all the time means it's very easy to be irresponsible with the time that I have; not using it wisely but wasting time checking social media, watching tv programmes online etc. I feel the Lord spoke to me through this verse last night and I felt super challenged. Are the things I'm looking at or watching of any real value? Do they build me up or do they distract me from the important things? That's why this week I'm committing to zero "worthless" activities, literally all of which involve some kind of technology. I'm also very aware that I have a little one taking in everything that I do, and I don't want to teach her- albeit indirectly- that technology is of more worth than simply being present, loving the people you're with and keeping your hands busy; eyes fixed on Jesus, focussed on eternal Kingdom buisness. P.S making a list of to-do's and goals at the start of the day is really helpful!

A post shared by Amy Loachamin (@ecuawifelife) on Apr 24, 2017 at 5:50pm PDT

So, last Sunday evening I felt the Lord speak and challenge me with this verse and decided to take action. This last week I committed to putting everything I did through the "worthless" filter; checking social media umpteen times a day, watching tv series' online and buzzfeed videos did not make the cut. I implemented my cleaning routine (that I'd made up before Eliana was born), read (and finished) a book that my mum left with me when she came to visit us last year, watched and listened to sermons and focused on being more present.

I started off the week listening to a message from a womens' conference given by Brandi Harrison- I give a womens' teaching once a month at our church and was starting to prepare for my mothers' day message so I thought it would be a good idea.

The message spoke directly to my heart and fed my soul. It covered a variety of things pertaining to being a godly woman but what really spoke to me was when Matthew 11:29-30 was spoken about at the beginning:
"Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Brandi spoke about how when training a new animal to plow, often a stronger and more experienced animal was yoked with it to help it learn. This is the image that Jesus is giving us- He wants us to walk alongside Him so that He can guide us, teach us and help us. (I fully reccommend listening to the whole message!). I found myself asking,
"Am I walking alongside Jesus? Am I really seeking Him and walking in daily fellowship with Him, allowing Him to guide me, comfort me and bear my burdens?" The answer was no. Routinely praying and reading my Bible in the morning and evening and doing whatever in between wasn't enough. His Word tells me I am to walk in the Spirit, to pray without ceasing, to rejoice in the Lord always. That's a 24/7 thing! God has been speaking to me for months about allowing Him to flow through me and simply be His instrument by drawing close to Him but it took this simple and well-known picture, tied with the challenge from the night before, to truly understand what that meant.

It means looking at my life and all the "worthless" things I invest my time and interest in. How can I hope to have my eyes fixed upon Jesus if I'm filling my mind with worldly things?
"It's only a tv show... it's only facebook... it's only a few YouTube videos to pass the time...it's only a song..."
Having this last week of intentionally examining how I spend my time and especially the things I'm looking at, I've experienced how much easier it is to really walk with Jesus. It's like that old allegory of the black dog and the white dog- which one will win in a fight? The one that I feed most. If I want to be a light in this world for Christ, a light in my home (we all know it can be much more difficult) for Christ, if I want rivers of living water to flow through me and touch those around me then I must be willing to give up the worthless things of this life, however much temporary pleasure they might bring me, and be 100% focused on Christ.

"Let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith." Hebrews 12:1-2

"... we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18

"Do you not know that friendship with the world is emnity with God? Therefore whoever wished to be a friend of thw world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you supposed it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, "He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us"?" James 4:4-5

Also, I found that getting on with the work that my hands found to do (and that needed to be done!), being more present especially with Eliana, and spending down time by doing something other than watching something, was simply just way more satisfying and fulfilling.

"...aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands..."
1 Thessalonians 4:11

So, I would encourage those of you who are reading this and perhaps feeling that quiet-but-persistant nudge of the Holy Spirit, don't ignore it. God made us to live in relationship with Him! We will find eternal life in nothing else.

"And this is eternal life, that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent." John 17:3

You're not from here, are you?

It's a question that I get asked quite a lot here in Ecuador, by perfect strangers as you can imagine. People in the bus, taxi drivers, shopkeepers...

"No," I reply with a patient smile, "I'm from Scotland... the United Kingdom... Great Britain... Europe?"

The answer, or number of answers depends entirely on who I'm talking to and their geography general knowledge; there was one taxi driver who thought Scotland was a part of Russia.

There are rare occasions when engaged in conversations with aforementioned strangers that I am mistaken for somebody from Quito, and I take this as a compliment to my Spanish, knowing well that my "blonde" (by Ecuadorian standards) hair and eyes (for which I was once congratulated by a lady on the bus) should have given me away.

Every time I arrive back in Ecuador after having spent some time at "home", in Scotland, there is always a period of re-adjustment and of "letting go". I talk about "switching modes". Living in a different country to the one you grew up in, being married to someone from a different culture and who has a different mother-tongue to you, means that terms like "home" become a bit mixy. It means your "factory settings," as it were, become a bit more customised than they once were. When you no longer dream in just one language, when you don't even remember which language you had a conversation in, when you're imagining a conversation in your head and realise that isn't the language that person speaks... things become kind of mixy.

Many people in my situation, spread between two different places (or more), find themselves in the same situation. We are puzzle pieces, once belonging to a certain picture, who have adapted themselves to fit into a new one and now find that they no longer truly fit in either. We are the "armadillos", as Rudyard Kipling might put it, no longer hedgehogs or tortoises, but something different. (See The Beginning of the Armadillos, The Just So Stories by Rudyard Kipling to understand!).

As I think of these things, and how my beautiful little daughter will probably feel the same, not belonging anywhere completely, I hold on to this truth:

"LORD, you have been our dwelling place in all generations." Psalm 90:1

No matter where I find myself on this earth, for He may yet take me to new places, I know that in Him I am home. In Him I find my peace, my resting place, my strong tower, my refuge and my rock. He is mine to cling to and I am His child.

None of us are really "from here" anyway. Like Abraham, we look forward in faith to a city whose foundations are designed and built by God Himself, remembering that we are part of a Kingdom that cannot and will not be shaken. For now, we are all in an in-between place, in between two realities, being transformed into the likeness of Christ and yet still in this body of sin, waiting for the coming of our redeemer when, in the twinkle of an eye, we will be changed. We are in this world, but not of it, and we feel the tension as both sides pull at us and vie for our full attention. "Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Romans 7:24-25)

And so we do give thanks, in all things, to the One in whom we do truly belong, and find our resting place, and for whom we wait with joy.

In Spirit and in Truth

I imagine that most of you who are reading this right now are familiar with the above phrase. It is used by Jesus in chapter 4 of John's gospel when he says:

"But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him. God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth."  23-24

One part of living in Ecuador and serving in Ecuador is obviously the Spanish language. I still remember my first Sundays in Ecuador, when my Spanish was still relatively limited, and finding it ever so hard to sit and listen and try to translate the hour-long sermons in my head. I'm sure I can still hear how the cogs in my brain whirred, like I was decoding some secret message. Needless to say I couldn't keep it up for the whole hour so I did tune-out a few times to let my brain rest! The other part of not yet being fluent in Spanish, with respect to church, was not always understanding exactly what I was singing during the worship. However, between the fact I didn't understand everything and that most of the songs were new to me, it forced me to really examine the words.

A lot of Christians, including myself, can be very guilty of simply singing songs instead of actually worshipping God. We become so familiar with the melodies and the words that we don't actually think about what we're singing -- whether what we're singing is actually the Truth.

I think this element of Truth in worship plays out in two parts: primarily, whether we actually mean what we're singing and secondly whether it is in accordance with the Truth shown in God's Word.

The first part is what I think a lot of us, especially those of us who grew up in the church, are guilty of. Going to church and singing become so normal to us, that sometimes that is all it is - custom and tradition. It is no longer coming in humility before God, in fellowship with our family and Christ, to worship our God and Father who sent His beloved Son to redeem us from the clutches of sin and death, but a traditional weekly sing-song that we participate in. The devotional that I use, and have used for the last four years, is My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers (I highly recommend it to anyone, but especially to those with a calling to ministry) and today's portion was simply titled "Worship" and opened with these words.

"Worship is giving God the best that He has given you." 

So many of us approach God with such a state of apathy. Real and True worship is when we humble ourselves before God, in perfect submission to Him and His will for us, and bring our best before Him, willing to give it all back, knowing that actually the best thing God has ever given us was Himself. We see this act of submission so many times in the Psalms as these people often struggle with real and deep issues, but always return to praising God and declaring who He is, submitting to His lordship and sovereignty. 

I'm currently reading a book by Elisabeth Elliot in which is mentioned the hymn "Beneath the Cross of Jesus", a hauntingly beautiful hymn which I think perfectly demonstrates the attitude we should have in worship:

1. Beneath the cross of Jesus 

I fain would take my stand, 

the shadow of a mighty rock 

within a weary land; 

a home within the wilderness, 

a rest upon the way, 

from the burning of the noontide heat, 

and the burden of the day. 

2. Upon that cross of Jesus 

mine eye at times can see 

the very dying form of One 

who suffered there for me; 

and from my stricken heart with tears 

two wonders I confess: 

the wonders of redeeming love 

and my unworthiness. 

3. I take, O cross, thy shadow 

for my abiding place; 

I ask no other sunshine than 

the sunshine of his face; 

content to let the world go by, 

to know no gain nor loss, 

my sinful self my only shame, 

my glory all the cross. 

Lets examine the words a little. The first verse first mentions taking our stand beneath the cross of Jesus, and the comfort we can find there. Are we really willing to identify ourselves with the cross, a place of suffering and shame that is offensive to so many, and in return find the rest that it offers us?

The second verse speaks about what happened on that cross and demonstrates the humility of repentance. Are we really willing to look upon Jesus on the cross and accept that it was our sin that required such agonising punishment? Are we willing to accept and confess our unworthiness of such love?

The third verse -- do we really ask no "sunshine" in this life other than the presence of Jesus in it?

"Christians don't sing lies - they just go to church and sing them." A. W Tozer

The second part, one could argue is just as, if not more, important. In fact, I'm tempted to say it's definitely more important. Is our worship, are the words in our "worship songs" biblical? Why does it matter as long as our desire is to worship God? Firstly, because if we scroll back up to read John 4:23-24 again, it's what God requires if we are to truly worship Him. I find it interesting upon reading that verse that it says "and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth." That implies, if we really want to be worshipping the God of the Bible, of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, the only one and True God YAHWEH, we must do so in spirit and truth - the Truth revealed to us in His Word. Could it be that if we're not worshipping in spirit and truth that we are worshipping something or someone else? I'll leave that for you to decide. In any case, if we really do love God, don't we want to be obeying Him and keeping His commandments anyway? Also, if we look at the story of Cain and Abel in Genesis, or the story of Aaron's two sons, Nahab and Abihu in Leviticus, it's clear that we can't just offer any old thing to God.

I remember the last night of my time in Cuba in 2012, having a conversation with the youth pastor and his wife about a certain worship song and whether it was biblical in what it said or not. The song in question was "Come, now is the time to worship" and the particular line we were discussing was "Come, just as you are to worship". Yan, the youth pastor, was questioning whether this encouraged a lack of repentance or a loose attitude with regard to sin. I think I suggested it was referring to the fact that we don't have to try and perfect ourselves before coming before God, it's Him that does the perfecting, He already knows our problems and imperfections (which we are repenting for!). However, it was a very good question and demonstrates the kind of thinking with which we should approach prospective worship songs. Another example of this type of discussion that I've had with people before is from the song "In Christ Alone", a church favourite in recent years. In the second verse it says "Till on that cross as Jesus died the wrath of God was satisfied." The discussion was around the fact that God's wrath has not yet been fully satisfied, as He will pour out His wrath upon humanity at the end of the 7 year tribulation period described in Revelation. However, we as Christians, those who have accepted Christ's payment for our sins, have been saved from the wrath of God. These are two good examples of the kind of "critical thinking" we should apply to spiritual things in general, not just in worship songs, but I think we're more prone to let lyrics slip past us more than we are sermons. These are also two fairly "trivial" examples, however as much of the church is slipping into emergent tendencies and doctrines, with less respect for the authority of God's Word, there are much more worrying patterns in worship songs that are beginning to emerge, not least a tendency to self-focused lyrics, but more worryingly a focus on a desire of the experiential (not simply the desire to worship) and with it, a lyric that is directed, not to the Father or to Jesus (we see examples of both in Revelation 4 & 5), but to the Holy Spirit. I'm sure most of you can think of at least one example of this. Not only is this completely unbiblical - I challenge anyone to find a scripture which encourages or justifies this - but it actually puts us at spiritual vulnerability to other spirits who may be listening. The same goes for prayer directed to the Holy Spirit - in the Bible we only ever find examples of prayer directed to the Father. We are told that the Holy Spirit glorifies Jesus (John 16:14) and He helps us to pray (Romans 8:26) - He never demands any attention towards Himself, always pointing us instead to Jesus or to the Father. These practices, combined with a desire for the experiential rather than just a desire for God Himself, puts us in a very risky position spiritually. 

Right now, if you begin to search "Holy Spirit" in YouTube, the first and only results that will immediately flash up in the automatic fill in, are all references to a worship song written by Katie and Brian Torwalt. Here's the chorus:

Holy Spirit, You are welcome here

Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere

Your glory, God, is what our hearts long for

To be overcome by your presence, Lord

Your presence, Lord

I've highlighted some words in particular to help you grasp just what exactly this song, and we in turn as we sing it, is saying. Instead of the redemptive work of Christ or God's love for us, the chorus - and indeed the rest of the song- is totally focused on the Holy Spirit and the presence of God - not God, just His presence. My heart doesn't long for the glory of God, it simply longs for Him. This song does not glorify God in the least, instead it is full of selfish desire for spiritual experiences.

Please, people who love God, worship leaders, do not sing worship songs based on a pretty melody or nice sounding lyrics. Worship God with songs that glorify Him and demonstrate an attitude that glorfies and submits to Him. And once you've done that, ask yourself if you're really being honest by singing those lyrics. Is that really what you believe in your heart of hearts? Are you really bringing God your best and humiliating yourself before Him when you come before Him in worship?

Some people may point out that I haven't talked at all about the need to worship in the spirit. As I think about it now, I think the first part is actually talking about that - if we truly mean what we sing as we worship God, coming before Him with an attitude of humility, wonder and thankfulness, and showing that as the Spirit leads, then we are worshipping in the spirit. I do however want to point out something very important before I finish. In John 14:17, Jesus calls the Holy Spirit the Spirit of Truth. It is impossible to worship in spirit without first worshipping in Truth. It also follows that it is impossible to truly worship in Truth without worshipping in spirit.

God has shown us, and continues to show us, such incredible grace and mercy and love. He is the Almighty Creator, Perfect and Just, who is worthy to be worshipped in the splendour of holiness (Psalm 96:9). May He grant us wisdom and guide us with His Holy Spirit as we seek to live lives of continual praise and worship.

"I will bless the LORD at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul makes its boast in the LORD; let the humble hear and by glad. Oh, magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together!" 

Psalm 34:1-3

The Most Important Yes

So a couple of days ago, it was our first  "engagement" anniversary - it was a whole year ago that Josias got down on one knee, on the equator, and asked me to marry him.
I shared the memory on my facebook page and commented that it was the "second most important yes of my life". However, after posting it I began to think and I realised that, even though Sunday the 16th of November 2014 was the day I officially said yes to spending the rest of my life with this man, it wasn't when my heart said yes.

My heart said yes 5 months before that.

5 months exactly before I had the ring on my finger, the 16th of June, Josias and I were sitting in Parque Carolina in Quito (the largest man-made park in South America apparently) and Josias told me that "he liked me a lot" and we began talking about the possibility of a future together. For some time before that, I had prayed and committed myself to not go out with anyone who wasn't my future husband, and so for me, saying yes now was saying yes to a whole lot more than just casual dating. As much as I was very much attracted to him (an attraction I began trying to ignore since we met, on my 21st birthday in May), and knew that he was the type of godly man that I wanted to marry, I was scared.

I had only been in Ecuador 4 months, I was here as a missionary with a lot of people to answer to and be held accountable to, I had consciously prepared myself for being single and not worrying about men for the 2 years I was going to be serving and had previously decided that communication in marriage was difficult enough without adding in cultural and linguistic barriers, so my preference was to marry somebody from my own country. That's what my brain was yelling at me anyway.

However, amidst all the doubt and fear (of which there were a lot), as I looked at this man who I'd only really known for less than two weeks, in my heart there was a quiet but persistant peace, and as the day went on, that quiet peace began to drown out all the panicky doubts running about in my conscious. I began to feel that, despite being on different continents and living in totally different worlds until 4 months ago, I knew this young man already; my heart recognised him from my many prayers and heartfelt longings from years before.

So the next day, on a bus to Latacunga to go and meet up with a missions team from the States, when Josias asked me for the second time if I would be his girlfriend, despite the continued presence of incertainty and fear, knowing that I would in reality be saying yes to much more than that, that persistant peace somehow fought its way quietly through to the surface and I said the second most important yes of my life.

When I look back at it now, knowing how stupidly in love I am with Josias and feeling absolutely certain that he is the best man for me, alongside whom to live this adventure of serving God together, I also see how easily I could have missed it all. If I'd let my common sense and doubts overtake that quiet peace and direction from the Lord, I would have missed out on the second biggest blessing of my life.

As I've been thinking about this "second most important yes", it has also reminded me of the most important yes of my life, a yes to God; a yes to repentance and humility in accepting that without Him I am a hopeless sinner in need of grace; a yes to Jesus and the life He has to offer me; a yes to a life lived only for Him (I'm still working on that some days!). As I've been thinking, I've realised that my two most important yeses actually have a lot more in common that I might have first believed.

In the same way I had to take a leap of faith in saying yes to Josias, saying yes to God also requires that same leap. In the same way I was bombarded with doubt and fear about what may happen if I potentially said yes, there are also doubts and fears that can try to grip our hearts as we contemplate a life with God. However, in the same way that there existed that small and almost silent peace in my heart that told me saying yes was the right decision, so also God softens our hearts to hear Him and His Holy Spirit quietly tells us that it is all true: that we really are hopeless sinners who one day will face eternal judgement for our bad decisions and that there really is a loving God who sent His Son to die in our place and who rose from the dead, forever defeating sin and death. And in the same way my heart recognised Josias as the man I had prayed for and longed to be with, so too our hearts recognise the loving Creator God who made and designed us to live in divine fellowship with Him.

However, just like I would have missed out on this wonderful marriage with Josias if I had given into those doubts, so we too miss out on the greatest relationship we could ever have if we allow our human thoughts and doubts to overcome that small, still voice of the Holy Spirit and cause us to reject what our hearts know to be the Truth.

But if we do take that leap of faith, and we say the Eternal Yes to God's proposal, we land on a small and narrow path on which we find love, intimacy, acceptance, forgiveness and the One whom our soul loves, and as we get to know Him more and more, as we see His faithfulness at work in our lives every day, the stronger that faith becomes and the doubts slowly fade away into nothingness.One day, when we the church, His bride, are seated at the marriage feast of the lamb, we will be living no longer by faith but by sight.

Now that I'm married to Josias, I can't believe I ever doubted that he wasn't the one for me. Sure, the Ecua-Wife Life isn't always simple or easy, and I had to make a lot of difficult and some extreme decisions to get here but I would never, ever give up my marriage with Josias. One day, when Christ comes back or I'm taken to be with Him in glory, that's exactly what it will be like, only infintely more, and I'll be infintely thankful to God who helped me to say the most important yes.